To the old me,
It’s never too late to start again.
I have this conversation time and time again. There are constant reminders around me of what was once something that brought me so much joy. I was looking back at old race pictures and remembered the race that started it all—the Black Girls RUN! Drive to End Hunger 10K. It was the first race where I received a finisher’s medal. The first race that made me feel like I can do anything when it comes to this running thing. To some it may have been “just a 10K”, but to me it was everything! It was where it all began. I was so happy. Here was a girl who loved running 3 to 4 days a week. Training for half marathon after half marathon, and even crazy enough to train for and complete a full marathon.
After losing my Mom, I thought grief was going to destroy me. I lost hope. A lot of it. However, the desire to run was (and still is) in my heart. My body just couldn’t do it. I still can’t understand how I went from running and training for half marathons and full marathons to stopping cold turkey. I mean EVERYTHING stopped. Yes, even my beloved Zumba with my Marta.
Grief sucked the life right out of me. It still hurts. Every time I try to take a step forward, somehow I end up taking a few steps back. But STILL in my heart I miss running so much. I see posts from friends, hear about upcoming runDisney races or how much fun was had, and I cry on the inside. I even shared in the sadness and disappointment of the news about the west coast races that we don’t know the fate of (yet). I miss my running bestie. I miss my runDisney friends. I miss Saturday morning long runs in the fall as I pass Pepper Place Market, and high-fiving my BGR sole sistas on the trail.
The pavement, I know that’s where my heart is and somehow, someway, I will find my way back. This has truly been a tough journey for me, but I know that I’m strong, beyond capable, and I can do anything that I put my mind to. I just have to transform my mind and believe, and I do mean truly BELIEVE, that I can do it!
So today I look at the picture of the finish line that started it all. I can hear my sweet Mama say, “Baby girl, I’m so proud of you!” Maybe, just maybe that will be the motivation that I need to help me take the next step and keep going.
Love you! Let’s find our way back together!!
This made me tear up. WE can do it! Thank you for always being there! Love you, friend!!!
Gonna find my way back, too! I so enjoyed this, Beautiful Lady!
Artney, I hear you. I lost my mom last month. I find that walking with my BGR sisters helps me boost my endorphins and my mood. Right now I am not pushing myself hard or beating myself up that I haven’t run a full 3 miles in only God knows when. I am being patient with myself and doing what my body will allow, and I pray God gives you the strength you need to do the same.
We are here and will be here whenever you are ready to join us. {{{Hugs}}}
Jaronda