I go into the holiday season with intentional busyness. Some of which is planned, while the rest was just to keep my mind off the reality that Thanksgiving will never be the same.
I still give Mama praise for teaching me how to make her famous dressing which is hands down THE BEST dressing (NOT stuffing) on the planet. Don’t debate me on this. I have also been told that my dressing tastes identical to hers. I’ll take it! Thank you, Mama!
My last Thanksgiving with Mama.
I guess God has a way of making this time thing work out perfectly. Normally we would be visiting our other family for Thanksgiving, but that year we weren’t able to make it. I was able to spend my last Thanksgiving holiday with my Mom at home, and for once I was able to cook for her. Against her will (of course), because she ALWAYS wanted to do the cooking. Always. When she said she was going to cook, I told her that she wasn’t allowed and she needed to rest for once. We laughed. Then she asked what she needed to bring. I told her, “nothing”. All I wanted was for her to be present and accounted for.
We watched football games, shared laughs, took one million silly, grainy selfies on my iPad (again) against her will (because her beautiful self hated taking photos), but I thank God for the memories!
The year of 2016 was full of unexpected loss. I lost count, because there was so much loss that occurred over the span of that year.
I have no advice on how to survive the holidays. I do know that you have to hold on to and cherish the memories that you do have. It is the memories that have kept me, and the memories that keep me going as I press forward. My heart is broken not having her around, and in my heart I believe that I am STILL in shock that my Mother is no longer here. BUT GOD! By God’s grace I’m still alive, and I’m a testament that when life hurts, you can keep going. It never gets easier, you just learn to adjust accordingly.
My prayers are with every single person missing their loved one during this holiday season. I get it. It’s tough. Please hold on to the memories and the dreams when they visit, journal, write out your thoughts and happy memories, or whatever you have to do. Just win the day.
I know Sarah’s spirit is alive and thriving, and I know I am surrounded by her presence constantly. She always had that gift.
I’m THANKFUL that God allowed me to share this space with her for 36 years.
F O R W A R D.
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