Sweet Victory

Yeah we still runnin’ even though we limpin’ (sweet victory)
‘Cause we winnin’, yeah we know we winnin’
Even though we’re winnin’ we’re still in it (sweet victory)
‘Cause we winnin’, yeah we know we winnin’
Now we livin’ (sweet victory)

I said before how I’ve wanted to be more transparent on here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shared something that resonated with someone, which made me even more grateful that I was able to move past fear to share part of my life. I’ve had “Sweet Victory” by Trip Lee on repeat since I heard it for the first time. The song/lyrics came at a low-point where my heart was just hurting. And although Trip Lee’s challenges are different from mine, the song was describing my life.

I’m wading in my weakness He made me dependent
I be lyin’ through my teeth to say I don’t resent it
Even as I write these lines I’m close to tears
Body ain’t be workin’ right for 7 years
So miss me with that keep your chin up try to smile
…I should feel better by a mile
Keep all your anecdotes and cute quotes
I’ll pass on cliches for true hope, it’s too dope

I shared on Sarah’s Grace about the recent passing of my brother. It came as such a shock. The reality of it all and the memories of him (us, family…) returned like a flood. After experiencing loss, I don’t know why I had the crazy notion that death would get easier — but your heart still aches. Borderline numb with disbelief. His death hit me HARD. Harder than I thought it ever would. He was far too young to die, but he didn’t deserve to suffer either. I’ve been at this place before, and I’ve visited it from time to time since the passing of my Mother.

Trophies don’t go to ones that got a good beginning —Trip Lee

I think about how different my life is now. The part where T. Lee said, “Body ain’t be workin’ right for 7 years”, I FELT THAT! Although it has been more like 3 for me. It’s something I can’t explain (maybe in a different post). How my motivation is up and down, my grief comes in waves (big and small), and how sorely I miss my Mom. Then add the extra fluffiness, lol (no shame, just keeping it real, and yes, I’m still a work-in-progress). I miss the self-motivator that I used to be. The drive I once had, and everything about me that was “normal” before my Mom died. But one thing still remains, God is so faithful.

Every time I hear “Sweet Victory”, it reminds me of my brother and his fight on this earth that has now been won. It also reminds me of the fight that I still have and my purpose. I know God is birthing something new in me, and I can’t help but smile when I think about where I could have been versus where I am now.

I feel thorns where my crown was
(I be weak, but I’m alive)
From the dusk until dawn
I’ll survive (’cause I got sweet victory)
Nobody can take it from me… #SweetVictory

I am a MIRACLE! Each day that I conquer, I know I’m stronger than the day before. I know it’s hard to understand this LIFE thing at times, especially while living on this side, but God understands far better than we do. Just remember we ALL have a purpose. Never lose that. Didn’t mean to get all deep with y’all, but it felt right.

 

A similar version of this post was published on sarahsgrace.com.