Editor’s Note: This post includes the topic of mental health, including suicide. It may be emotionally triggering for some readers.
Seeing the Breaking News alert about Kate Spade’s tragic passing come across my screen made my heart drop. I didn’t understand. How? Why? But then again…I kinda did. I became overwhelmed with emotion and even had a come apart on the way home. I just wanted a do-over. Thank God for a listening ear. But that’s not the case for everyone.
The news left me speechless and heartbroken. My heart broke for her family and the countless people around her who are now blaming themselves for the signs that they could have missed. I don’t believe it’s fair to blame anyone, but it’s amazing how people assume that money, status, and material things equate to happiness. Truth is, you can have it all and still be lonely. You can still hurt, still suffer from depression, anxiety, and other disorders (IT’S REAL), still have battles in your mind and heart, and you can still deal with the struggles of making it from one day to the next.
After my Mom died, I was in a very dark place. Summer 2016 is when I hit my lowest, darkest place since her unexpected passing. I was heartbroken. I still am. I used to feel bad about it, but not anymore. And I’m not even going to pretend that my life has been perfect since she left either. Some days just feel SO empty without her. It’s a hurt I just can’t put into words. But what people don’t realize is that you can still have a genuine smile on your face while finding joys in the simple moments of life and still HURT.
If you know me, you know that I’m a bubbly person and that I try my best to find the beauty in life even through tragedy and heartbreak. I do my best to stay grounded, stay connected through God’s Word, and surround myself with people with good energy and good vibes. I also know if it wasn’t for amazing people around me, I would be lost. I still struggle some days.
You hear people say, “turn your pain into purpose”. I believe you can absolutely do that. But what if you don’t know how? Or what if you just don’t have the will to? Do you know how hard it is trying to encourage other people when you are going through and you need encouragement yourself? Sometimes I don’t want to be strong. Sometimes I just need to hear, “it’s gonna be all right” even if that tiny piece in my heart knows that it will. Or sometimes I just need to cry it out (like I did yesterday). I’m not saying this because I need pity, because I don’t. I’m a human being with human feelings, but this is the honest truth about anxiety, depression, and grief. I learned in Griefshare that it doesn’t have to come in the form of a physical death. It could be a divorce, a job loss, abuse, or something that once “was”. It gets hard some days. REALLY HARD!
There are so many people silently suffering. There’s also nothing like going through one of the worst seasons of your life and no one being there to help you out of it. Or having people you once called “friend” walk out on you or dismiss you while you were going through. Everyone doesn’t make it out. Many dealing with mental illness don’t want to share what they are going through due to fear of judgement, rejection, and shame. Some people make ignorant statements while others just don’t understand how mental illness works. It is a process.
Mental illness can come in many forms. Here are 15 Types of Mental Illness We Don’t Talk About. For you or anyone you know that may be struggling, please know that you are valued, you are loved, and YOU MATTER. This goes for me too. I MATTER! Affirm yourself every single day as best as you can. Check out these facts about Mental Health. Get the help you need. Go to counseling/therapy. And yes, even if you are a believer, that does not mean you can’t go to therapy. Prayer absolutely does works, but God also has vessels in place, and resources and tools to get the help we need. Prayer and counseling go hand and hand.
For the ones who can’t quite grasp mental illness and suicide:
Life happens and some people are out here struggling to make it from day to day. If you’ve never seen a dark day thank God for that. But please don’t dismiss anyone who has. There are so many people hurting. It doesn’t matter if they are considered strong or not. There are real people going through real LIFE issues, depression, anxiety, etc. Please stop thinking that suicide is a cop-out. To them opting out of this world is the only way they think they will find peace. What they don’t know is there is an abundance of love and light just around the corner. You can’t see that when you’re going through. Ask me how I know. Please check anyone who tries to dismiss anyone or think suicide or mental health challenges are a joke. Whether it’s on social media, a status, in public, or in private. You don’t know who is reading or listening. It’s a life that could be saved. We need more compassion, education, understanding, and love.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline offers free, confidential crisis counseling 24/7/365. You don’t have to be suicidal to call either. They are available for YOU…24/7, at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Similar version of this post was published on my personal healing blog sarahsgrace.com.
Hi Artney,
Thanks for such a brave and honest post. I totally agree – on the surface we might appear like such bubbly people, getting all the joy out of life…while underneath we may be tormented by depression. It’s a disease I’ve struggled with my whole life, ever since my own mother passed away when I was 10. Just when I think I’ve seen the back of it, it can strike again and knock me off my feet. I think one of the most important things we can do is to learn that we’re not alone (and that it’s not our fault!) – that it’s a sickness which affects so many of us. And it’s in this sharing of experiences, this recognition of each other’s humanness that we can begin to heal. So thank you so much for sharing your story! Keep shining on. Emma xo